Horcruxes

Here's the thing with sex though.

Emily and I realized tonight that I'm kinda like... Voldemort.

The men I've slept with are my horcruxes (I have 7, it works)
and although saying they're horcruxes is a little far... it's not.

See, it might not work like this for men, because they're a whole different thing,
but I feel that when I sleep with someone, I'm giving them a little bit of my soul.
A little bit of me, and once it's over, I can't get that back.

So the thought of having as many partners as I do is a tiny bit unsettling for me.
I know it's in the past, and so I have to get over it, but I do honestly feel sad about it sometimes. No, I don't consider waiting until marriage to be a sane choice at ALL (my opinion of course), but it does take a toll on some women emotionally when they feel they're either having sex with the wrong people, or too many people. And the question is, when is it too many? I think it's a personal number. But due to double standards, it's more acceptable for the guy to have a higher number, and not be called names for it.

I'm not worried about being called a slut, though. I'm worried about my heart, man. If I keep giving myself away (and sometimes, when there are strong connections between me and someone else, it literally feels like I'm handing them my heart on a platter), if I keep giving everyone a piece, what will I have left for myself? How many men will it take for me to be completely empty and immune to the beautiful ideas I have of sexual intercourse?

I don't want sex to be just something I do with hot guys, or something I do as a favor, or something I do because I'm feeling lusty. Fuck, I know I've let that happen to me, but I don't want it to anymore. I mean, 7 guys? To me, that's a lot. For me. Personally.

Let's say I get married at 22.
If I've had sex with 7 guys between the time I was 17 and 19 (and let's just say I keep my choices consistent), I'll have slept with around 17.5 men? WHAT THE FUCK? (wait, is that math right? I'm really not good at math, so I could either be off or totally headed down a path of complete skankosity).

That...does not sound like a number I'd like to have. Plus, how would I tell someone I've fucked seventeen POINT FIVE guys? What does that even mean?

What I'm saying is that I don't like having pieces of me scattered across America (and other countries too). I don't like being on lists and I don't like having my own long list. Yeah, I really fucking love sex, but I want to avoid the distress that follows it.