Coffee Closure

Today I went to coffee, for what he said was "closure". My question was, closure from what?

I was bothered that our ideals never matched up with each other's, but I suppose that meant that it wasn't right. Timing plays a huge part in who we end up with; you can call it fate or coincidence or serendipity, I don't care. When two people want the same thing at the same time, it works. That's just how it is.

We don't want the same thing, and I think closure was the wrong word. Assurance might be a better term. I was there to assure him that I had grown out of my young girl shell, that I knew what I desired, and it was different from what he desired.

It's tough. I don't like hurting others. After that, I went and watched the movie Closer, and Jesus, it was a more intensified version of the conversation I had with him. There's a lot of damaging and deceit that can swallow up relationships, even with people that love each other, and I know it. And I know that often, people lie to avoid causing pain. But, I don't know. I can't lie to those that I care about; in the whole scheme of things, it might sting then, but it at least assures the people around me that I'm trustworthy. I never want to be called a liar. I'd rather be an honest bitch than a lying one.

But frankly, men are my last concern right now. I'm having existential crises on the daily, and people think I want to get caught up in relationship shit? Nah, that's not how it is. I'm not fretting over school or guys or friendships or money-- I'm off losing my faith and questioning the value of my life, bro.